yelpsters

Not that anyone really cares, but I made some updates to my site (if you're only reading my blog, you can catch everything else at everythingsgreat.net, fyi). Also, I will openly admit that I use pretty old school, useless web design coding (i.e., iframes). However, the way I currently want things, it's just easier for me to use frames. Most browsers still support my coding/scripts, but if yours doesn't (like I know for sure it doesn't look right on iPhones, but you can still navigate it), sorry bro. I am working on a more universally compatible version but for now I'm cool with what I got. Hope you are too.

The better part of the last 24 hours has been spent on adding to the photo section. Originally, this was intended to just be a concert photography site, but obviously things changed. I still have an external hard drive full of shitty pictures I took though, so I am slowly archiving them. Unfortunately it's taking a lot of time because at 4am I thought it was a really good idea to make this simple looking but time consuming method of displaying my photo sets for no particular reason other than to make me hurt inside. I shockingly got to do exactly what I envisioned, but now my right hand is chronically formed to the curves of my mouse. So far I just have fun., Limbeck, Hellogoodbye, Jarrod Gorbel, and Steel Train (all of them multiple sets!) up but I'll be adding more in the future. Check it out, please! Don't let my right hand that is now as useless as a hook but not as pointy and violent be in vain.

Anyway, picking and choosing through all the photos definitely did put me in this weird nostalgia vortex that I frequently go through. I feel lucky enough to say that I've seen most bands that I've wanted to throughout the years. Accordingly, I've also been to a plethora of cities and venues that range from basements and arcade rooms, to the snow and art deco theaters. I always get excited when I have the opportunity to check out a new venue, although it occasionally also brings out the neurotic, need for control rage in me. This is particularly true if it's a large metropolitan city. I don't care so much about sound specs or will call as I do landmarks to look for so you don't get lost forever and somehow become initiated into a gang that wears colors not suitable for your skin palette, and parking.

As a result, I've lurked Yelp from time to time to get a vague idea of cross streets and affordable parking. However, I soon realized that Yelp is the opposite of helpful because it is full of miserable, horrible people that don't deserve to have the internet or social interactions with other human beings. I'm not sure if this is part of the terms and conditions for joining, but it appears as though Yelp members tend to get very offended when other people have a good time. They also really like beer. 90% of the concert venue reviews tend to complain about bar service and orange juice to vodka proportions and make little to no mention about anything involving the stage. They'll also write long winded stories about the clothing faux pas of others and how puffy vests don't look good on anyone (okay, I can agree with that one). I can understand if they go to an actual dance club or restaurant, but they are attending venues whose sole purpose is to music entertainment. Of course their drinks are a rip off. Obviously the bathrooms are going to be borderline horrific and smell like used condoms. No shit it's going to be fucking loud and full of people. And you know what happens when a small place is overcrowded with people screaming and jumping around and generally having fun? It's going to be hot as fuck. Deal with it.

That's not to say that I don't think people aren't allowed to have certain expectations when it comes to sound, shady security, wait time between sets, crowd safety etc., but it baffles my mind when Yelp reviewers (or that surly guy behind me that smells like he put on a shitload of Axe to hide his B.O., but he still smells like B.O., and on top of that he also smells like he put on too much Axe. Fail, bro) complain about how everyone around them was being weird and smiley, and they're not sure how that's possible because they only serve domestic beer here and it was too loud to carry a conversation over the phone. Dude, you spent $25 on a ticket. Look at your life, look at your choices. You could have gone to a hof brau and used that money on imported booze and a sandwich. Mmmmm. Sandwich. You'd still probably have a miserable time and complain about it, but at least I wouldn't have to smell your BO anymore.

As a result, I have made a sample review that I hope Yelp members will model after in the future, because I will break things if I see another ten paragraph complaint about how a venue doesn't use proper stemware or how the architecture isn't hip enough.


1.) Off of a heavy cross street, if you get there before 5 or after 7 you're good to go, otherwise SORRY ABOUT YOUR LIFE.
2.) You can pay $25 for parking at the venue, or go down half a block next to the taco truck and pay $6 at an equally shady parking lot. Your call. PS- don't eat the tacos.
3.) If you only like to see people frowning and punching kittens, go to that other venue down the street. It appears as though people try to have a good time here. dealwithit.gif
4.) No shit it's loud in here. In other shocking news, Ticketmaster is a rip off.
5.) Of course the bar charges $9 a drink. Save money and just pre-game in your car, bro. Maybe you'll even pass out in there and won't have to be miserable watching bands you hate but bought tickets for anyway?!?!
6.) For some reason they frown on people bringing in large DSL cameras with super creepy zoom stalker lenses and weapons of mass destruction, but they also don't pat you down in funny places, if you know what I mean.
7.) Get there three hours early and you'll be at the front of the line, but you will also kill yourself. These are facts.
8.) When all else fails, punch someone in the face.
9.) You're here to see a band with matching haircuts and neon track pants. Of course you're going to feel old. You are old. Unless you're 12. Then I guess you're within an acceptable age demographic. But you should also not be on Yelp, because the internet is full of really cranky people that get drunk a lot. Do your homework.
10.) At least I helped you save $19 in parking?